Last attempt.

So tomorrow will be another Day 1. That illusive, magical, depressing day 1. One that I have had a million times and one that I don’t want to ever have again. I am lost. I am afraid. I really don’t know if I can do this. I am going to try. My husband is indifferent…

Mother’s Day.

So tonight isn’t about drinking or not drinking…just how I feel. It’s Mother’s Day. I am so incredibly lucky to have 2 amazing, smart, compassionate and caring boys who love me with all their hearts. They are my everything and the fact that they love me despite my flaws is priceless. I always will strive…

Day 3. Getting prepared for Summer.

Day 3. Not much to say except summer is fast approaching (we pick up my youngest from College this Thursday) and my plan is to not drink while my boys are home for the summer. I want them to see how strong I can be and want to enjoy every moment that they are home…

And again and hopefully the final straw.

Starting again tomorrow. I have a profound knowledge that I can’t drink. I can’t enjoy wine, I don’t enjoy wine, and it is destroying my soul. Problem is, I have to be strong on my own. My husband has only hatred and criticism for me and I can’t really blame him, I suppose. I will…

Could it be a moment of clarity?

I don’t know if today will be my “Day 1”, but have a different feeling today and am going to try and embrace it. I had a pretty good day, got off work early, came home and exercised and then got ready to go out to dinner with my youngest son and husband before we…

And again…no surprise.

Just posting because I can and need to. I feel like I have all the tools that will fit into the biggest toolbox, yet it’s not working for me, I am drinking tonight. I just read a book that really hit me hard, made me feel a bit less crazy and a bit like I…

Day 2 of 30. What works? What doesn’t?

Day 2, ending soberly (yay)….with help from friends (yes, you), I am okay today. I am noticing there are a lot of people (aside from me, the queen of day 1’s) that have numerous day 1’s…and tend to fall off the blogs/facebook/posts/whatever….because they (as I have felt, probably, feel they have failed one too many…

Day 1 of 30.

Today I begin a 30 day quest for sobriety that will hopefully just be propelled from there. I have new supports that I am so grateful for (you know who you are) and intend to do something….the one thing, I have never done before. That is to reach out and stay connected especially when I…

Why is it Scary????

So, day 3. Why is living without a depressant (alcohol) scary? Why do we feel our lives deserve better? Some do deserve better, I truly believe that. I think some people really get a bad deck of cards and really deserve SO much better. Not me. I grew up in a middle class family (who…

Almost back….

Tomorrow I will start again….last day of February and I intend to go the entire month of March drink free (and hopefully that will set into motion my continued sobriety). This month has been rough, I’ve had many sober days, some drunk days and blackouts but emotionally I have been a mess. My husband went…

Wishing for a final day 1…struggling.

Posting for accountability. May tomorrow be day 1. Why is it that our sick minds want us to drink when we know that it makes us unhappy, makes us forget things, makes us lack compassion for others, makes us isolate? If I was to describe drinking for me it would be this: Numbing Blacking out…

Failed again….

So another day 1 is done. Feeling sad, a bit lost, losing hope, yet not giving up quite yet. Time to throw the book at it I suppose. I am going to go back and re-do Hip Sobriety School that I rushed through this past Fall and got extremely complacent and didn’t do it properly….