The Insanity of my thoughts….

So last night I had TWO Bottles of Chardonnay and watched a cheesy movie that I had to re-watch this morning since I didn’t remember how it ended. I’ve felt horrible all day and have had a strong resolve for this to be it, for this to be my LAST day 1. Oh, how I…

I SUCK!!!!

Yeah….that’s it. that is all I have for today. Would take too much time to explain and doesn’t justify the drinking. Sad, lonely, and disappointed tonight. In only myself.

Facing Life….

I think the hardest part of giving up wine will be the “life” part of it. I suck at dealing with things and I always have. I always was insecure as a teenager, which is when I started drinking. Then, as I got older, had my first son before graduating college, bought a home, and…

I may fail miserably, but won’t quit trying…

So tonight I drank again….I think I knew I would as there was wine in the fridge and I couldn’t bring myself to pour it out….hello….sign number 1! We had a soccer game tonight, district Championship game and I knew we would go out afterwards for dinner and there is always wine at dinner out….

AND….ANOTHER DAY 1.

So, I haven’t made it too far in this journey of trying to be alcohol free. It is like drinking wine is a part of me and sometimes I really feel like I deserve it and can’t go without, yet I can and I have. I am the epitome of a Functional Alcoholic. Most don’t…

Drinking again. Tomorrow is it.

So, tonight I am drinking. tomorrow is my day 1. I’ll go into it tomorrow but am done for tonight. Completely failed once again.

Day 2, a success!

So I made it through day 2 (well going to bed after this post, will make it day two complete)! It was great to wake up sober, not hungover, remembering the evening and getting up on time for work! It wasn’t until about 4:00 pm that the wine voice started up. Didn’t consume my thoughts…

Still Trying…

So I failed at another day one. Almost made it and thought I was going to but the husband wanted to go out for dinner and try somewhere new. Well, it was Italian and wine was everywhere, well it seemed. Every table had wine on it, at least the ones I was looking at. Can…

Wine time approaching :(

So it’s 4:00 pm here and this is when I start to think/romanticize about wine, the evening events, and my destruction! I don’t want it, but it’s such a habit and knowing I’m not going to drink tonight is a bit scary. What in the world am I going to do with myself? The plan,…

The Last Glass!

So, there it is sitting on the end table….my last glass of wine! It was left over from last night, sitting on the table where I had left it completely full. I obviously had too much last night and didn’t even finish that last glass after 2 bottles had been downed (not that I remember…

Not Quite There yet….

Okay, so my plan to stop drinking hasn’t clicked….what is wrong with me????? I have all intentions of not drinking every morning, feel terrible, remorseful and helpless, and then 3:00 rolls around. I start to think drinking isn’t such a bad idea and that it will make me happy when it just continues to make…

Running from Wine, Day 1….again!

So, I am 41 years old and have been drinking since I was 15 years old.  Wine has been so much a part of my life, my way of making it through the tough times, celebrating the good times and just passing the time.  My way of dealing with the shit in my life and my way…