Facing Life….

I think the hardest part of giving up wine will be the “life” part of it. I suck at dealing with things and I always have. I always was insecure as a teenager, which is when I started drinking. Then, as I got older, had my first son before graduating college, bought a home, and got married, it was all so fast and I had to grow up so very fast!

Since getting married, by OH became a bit of a narcissist and has made me feel a bit useless and like nothing I do is perfect, my looks, my weight, my lack of sociability….all are sub par. I will work on that and am running daily (on the treadmill as it is much harder outside)!!!! Running and exercise make me happy and that is what I am going to turn to, not wine. The result should be a fit, healthy and happier me, with or without my OH. I need this for me only now as my youngest is graduating from high school this year and I will no longer feel the pressure of having to do it all. There will be down time, there will be no soccer games, there will be no dinners that must be made, and there will be no laundry that I feel has to be done (except mine)! My OH can learn to do his own laundry and I won’t feel like an inadequate wife šŸ™‚
I have given him my all since I was 15 years old and am ready to take some of me back. Tomorrow is another day and it will begin my new “I’m important and fine just the way I am (bit of Bridgette Jones there)” life! Oh, and my sons will both be so very proud of me…something that will warm my heart forever!
Here is to tomorrow!


4 Comments Add yours

  1. Phoenix Rising says:

    Hello,you have touched my heart, we have an awful lot of similarities, you can change your life and you are worth it, I have spent 30 years doing the same thing, getting the same result, letting others dictate and squash the soul out of me…it is ok to be you, warts and all. I am gradually taking back control..fighting for me. I have spent the last year working on myself, physically and mentally, reconnecting with people, reaching out after years of isolation, making myself do things just because I want to,,,and slowly , I have grown to feel worth it…

    My twins are 19 this year and I have been waiting….for them to fly..I bitterly regret the years I have let them see me down at heel, disconnected and drunk…not a good role model…I am a month sober, and determined to achieve a new way of living…hence name Phoenix Rising…I have tried a few times over the years, but felt stuck,,,I no longer feel stuck, it is an adveture….never stop trying…you only fail when you fail to try…..this time there was a switch and I feel resolute…you can do this…it will be difficult at times…but be proud you are doing something tough and succeeding…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for that…I feel like there are so many moms out there that give all they have to their children and families that we neglect ourselves over and over again. No wonder we turn to alcohol for comfort! It will be learning to deal with just being and getting to be okay with that, with letting go of so much responsibility too! We need to take care of us! You must be amazing to raise two 19 year olds! That is quite a handful….boys or girls or one of each? I hope you keep that resolute! do you blog? If so, what is the web address? Thank you for posting, it helps tremendously to know that I am not alone and that others are right where I am or have been here! Hugs.


  2. ainsobriety says:

    I really felt I was sacrificing my life for my kids. Somehow I got the idea that was ok.
    It’s not. You need to live for you, so the kids see that parents are just as important and vital as they are.

    The alcohol dulls this. It took me time away from wine to see that no one took me for granted. Only I did.

    Give yourself a chance to be the real you. Not because you are fitter, or thinner or dressed up, but because you are worthy of love and respect today, as you are.

    Don’t let booze tell you otherwise.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anne, you hit it spot on. I have sacrificed everything and although I get all the love I could ever want back from my children (young adults now), I still put them first and they are starting to see that and are both trying to help me take some of the load off….I have two AMAZING boys that understand me and love me regardless, for that I am truly blessed and thankful! I am looking forward to finding out exactly who I am….is that weird? I had my first son at 20 years old so really didn’t have time to grow up. Now it is time for me to grow up and get my shit together….I know I’ll be happier for it šŸ™‚ Hugs and wishing you the best as well.


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