Well, last night was dreadful. I was alone, I was tired, and I just wanted to check out. I knew it was a terrible idea but I had wine anyway. It’s like once the thought was in my head and I knew no one would be around to say anything, I was doomed. I drove around trying to procrastinate and distract myself, but the more I thought about it the more I thought it would be nice to have wine just one more night. Oh, how I was wrong! I am really not happy with myself today as I was doing so well, which just goes to show how strong my alcoholic mind is. My husband is disappointed in me, I am disappointed in me and I feel like I have let everyone down, which is really, really hard for me. I don’t want to feel like a failure but I have failed. Now, I start again on day 1 and the only good thing about last night is I really didn’t enjoy the wine, it actually tasted awful but of course I drank it anyway. It didn’t make me happy or make me feel better, it only made me miserable. I am MUCH happier with my lemony lime soda and cranberry juice (what I am having tonight)! I feel like I am making progress but want the perfection so very much. I will make it 100 days and today is day 1, again 😦 So sorry for disappointing all that have given me SO much support….A sober Friday it will be.
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runningfromwine 
You aren’t disappointing any of us. I’m afraid to try a glass for fear I will end up feeling like you do…if anything you are helping me to abstain tonight by writing about how last night affected you….but boy oh boy do I wonder how I would do!! This is your journey. Last night may be just what you needed. Okay, you tried. You didn’t end up in the hospital and you aren’t feeling overly sorry for yourself…in fact you are already rallying to move forward. Don’t think of it as starting over I tell you!! You have still had 8 AF days and then you had one where you tried it and were reminded that drinking may not work for you right now…..just think about right now. Focus on how you feel today….you don’t want that any more. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t feel bad/guilty….just find what works for you! For what it’s worth, last night’s blip and how you have handled it seems different to me than your previous posts. I can’t put my finger on it but you seem better, even for the blip. Hugs.
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Thank you for this and I do feel different about it all. I know wine doesn’t work for me now and I know I have to play it to the end if those thoughts come back…it NEVER ends well. I appreciate your support and non-judgements, that is just what I need to stay strong and focused on being sober at all costs. I am going to take it easy this weekend and move on, sober! Massive hugs to you for commenting and your positive encouragement…it’s just what I needed to remember why I am doing this and that I am not alone in this battle! Thank you 🙂
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More information acquired.
Next time read this post.
Early sobriety is REALLY HARD.
Make a list for next time. I always hide in the bath when I get antsy. It’s a safe spot.
Hug
Onward
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Thank you, I am making a list now….listening to the Bubble Hour and a bath sounds really good right now. Thank you for this, it is hard but I know I can do this….something in my heart has changed and I know that wine does not work for me anymore. I will get this 🙂 Hugs to you for being there!
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Thank you for being honest. I was slipping tonight and reading this was like reading my story tomorrow if I opened that wine.
Hugs, you’re making such great progress!
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Oh, I am so glad you made it through that anxiety and what a great way to relax…swimming! I love that you have three dogs (we have 3 beagles) and they too love to “fall” into the ponds around our house, it does make for a good true laugh! Keep going and remember that it isn’t worth the misery that comes after the wine! You are doing fabulous and thank you for posting 🙂
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Hi you are nearly there, make that the last day. one…..the memory of how awful and desperate I felt on day 11 the last time I stopped, which led me to drink, putting me back to day 1 which made me feel even more ill, had me saying never again…it’s ..now day 55,,,,it gets so much easier…notice I didn’t say easy, the longer you can stay sober…in the first 2/3 weeks I did not really believe everyone…but now I know…I wrote down my reasons for stopping and how I felt when I put myself back to day one last time..hang in there …you will do this…hugs not judgement..
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Thank you! I have made a list, and it is LONG of why I don’t want to go back! So, here on day 2 again but a bit wiser and stronger I think. I completely believe you in that is will get easier and I am looking forward to getting there soon! Very well done on day 55…I will get there!
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Think feedback not failure. You have evidence you can do the first hairy few days, now it’s learning how to defeat the moderation whispers and attacks of the ‘sod its’. Play detective.. What happened yesterday that triggered you, why was being alone an issue? Be curious but not persecutory, you can do this. Brushing yourself off and posting was the first step. xxx
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An add on to the above.. I only just saw your post from yesterday and what amazed me was it seemed so strong. Your head was in the right place. I can’t help but wonder if it was something to do with thinking about your youngest leaving home, some kind of reaction to an empty house, an empty nest.. You have given so much to your family, now it’s time for you to do what you want.. Perhaps the fear of what on earth that might be is tied up in your trigger. I drink when I’m scared, overwhelmed and exhausted by the chatter in my head, you may completely different but the thought seemed worth sharing. xxx
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Wow! You are really spot on. Being alone is my BIGGEST trigger as I am so used to giving my all to my family and really don’t know what to do with myself when alone (do I continue cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc…)? I’m not sure what else there is to me which will be something I am beginning to explore in depth! With my youngest leaving it seems like my purpose in life is leaving as well as we will be without the kids for the 1st time. Yes, I am terrified and that was a big issue the other night with being in the house by myself! I will find myself and my purpose beyond my children….one day at a time, right? Thank you so much for your insight and advice, it really helped me sort this through and realize what I truly need to focus on while being sober 🙂 Many hugs…
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I had one or 2 nights like that before I finally stopped, I think it helps you to remind you that it is pointless and horrible and not enjoyable after all, you’re getting there, keep going xxx
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Thank you, and I completely agree with you! I hope that was all it takes and my sober journey begins for good now….day 2 🙂
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Well done for posting. We all know how hard this is so we will never judge. This is going to be a good post for you to look back on when you get tempted again because it will happen. We all get cravings sometimes, but look how much you didnt enjoy the wine. How disappointed you were with yourself and how miserable it made you feel. Of course you drank all of it. It’s addictive. After the first glass you were hooked. However, look how strong you can be. You did get to day 8! You have brushed yourself off and started Day 1 again. This time though you are that little but more knowledgable about how that Wine Witch or Bitch works. You have more confermation now that alcohol doesnt help anything. You are a strong lady and you can do this. We are all here for you when ever you need us. Hugs x
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MrsMac, thank you so much for the unconditional encouragement and support! That is just what I needed to hear…no judgement just advice and how to carry on sober. I am on day two now and that Wine Witch (actually I like the Wine Bitch) will be put in her place next time she comes around. Wine is not for me and wine doesn’t work for me anymore, that is that! Many hugs to you and hope you have a wonderful day this sober Saturday!
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I’m not going to pretend that I don’t have moments where I just want to “try” wine again to see if I can truly moderate now, or sip two glasses like a real lady! But, I’ve clocked up 46 days now and I just can’t throw them away and reset my clock.
You were tempted, you gave in, and it sounds like it’s not what you want anymore. We all need to learn that at some point, and I’d rather learn it early on than after a few months.
You’ve not let anyone down, you’ve learned a really important lesson.
I quit 3 years ago, lasted a good few months and then slipped straight back in, until now.
If you are tempted again, which you probably will be, just reread your own words. You did a week, now do another!
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Thank you! Here is to another sober week and then some 🙂 I’m so glad I have this blog to look back on and remember WHY I am doing this and to remind me how I feel after drinking, nothing good comes from it that is for certain! Hugs 🙂
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