So, I have been reading a lot, Annie Grace’s “This Naked Mind” to be specific. I know that wine does nothing for me and she keeps telling me to remember back to who I was before wine. Problem is, I have been drinking heavily since I was 15 years old so I’m not really sure I know who that sober person is. My life was altered at 20 when I had my first son (both amazing boys and would give my life for either of them), but ever since then I have lived FOR THEM. I have focused my all on providing for them and giving them everything they could possibly need, being there for everything they tried and excelled at doing, and being the perfect mom (aside from the drinking every night)! Now, they are all grown up and my youngest is going off to college this fall. What am I without them?
I am faced with finding myself now, without wine and without my two sons at home. I have to find something for me and find what will make me happy. I have to make this about me, for once, and let go of trying to be everything to everyone else. Yes, this is going to be hard, but might also be very exciting 🙂 Day one complete…on to the dreaded day 2 again, this time with more determination and more tools in my sober kit. I can do this.
runningfromwine 
Spending the time to find yourself seems key here from my perspective. Working on yourself will get you to that place where you can keep going with sobriety. You just keep needing to prove to yourself that you don’t need nor want wine. Sometimes that takes awhile. Thinking of you and hoping this is where it sticks for you!!!
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You are right….it is hard, but it is incredibly exciting! Just 7 weeks ago I was so scared and didn’t think I could make it 24 without a drink, but here I am still sober. The best bit is, in the past week I think I’ve realized that I’m pretty sure I don’t want to drink ever again. See what a difference a short time can make?
I’m not trying to brag here, I just want to let you know that if you persevere through the painful beginning, you will be rewarded with something fantastic. Seriously, if I can do it, you certainly can too. Keep me posted, I know you can do this!
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Stella, thank you and you have every reason to brag!!! Well done on 7 weeks, I can’t even imagine what that will be like, but am hoping I make it there…It is hard and painful, but you are inspiring to me and make me think that maybe it is possible. Thank you 🙂
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You can do this.. you really can! My 40by40 project stemmed from the same mentality – I needed something for me – something that addressed all the compromises, postphonements and small sacrifices that us mums make when raising our smalls. At present, I’m getting cross with myself because I still feel like I’m spending more time focussing on drinking (or not drinking) than I am on the fun stuff and I don’t want my life defined by drinking!!!! I started rereading Jason Vale last night, one of the things he talks of is not getting hung up on day counting as it implies there is a time you will drink again. He is also good at disputing all the reasons why the mentality of ‘giving up’ alcohol leads us to a place of feeling deprived. Perhaps a good starting place for you might be to start assessing what you want to add to your life rather than what might be taken away? Get some felt pens and a big piece of paper – be creative and start off with no limits. Agreed, we won’t all be professional sports people, pop stars or travel the world, but by daring to dream we can find things that are possible (a would be singer might join a choir or a talent show, a football fanatic might coach the local youth squad or join a Sunday team.) Google some life coaching sites for ideas and tools – if you get excited and enthused about a new project you may find the attraction of that bottle dwindles. xxx
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I like that and will try google for ideas as right now I am not very optimistic about being me! Thinking I’ll read Jason Vale’s book you mentioned and hope that will help me get clear headed about this all. I know it’s not what I want, but don’t know what it is that I DO want either if that makes sense!
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Jason’s book is quite similar to the naked mind I think.. It’s mild hypnosis that attempts to turn all positive thinking about booze on its head. His central premise is once we accept we are not missing out we become free. I want to go on one of his juice retreats now!!
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Thank you so much! I am coming up on 1 year of sobriety this October and it is absolutely worth it!
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