So, it has been so very hard to get out of my mind, out of my habit, and out of my addiction. How does/did this happen??? Why am I an addict? How do I, knowingly, know that it is wrong and still go out for wine, get wasted and forget it all? How does this compulsion rule my life and keep me hostage at the same time? How does wine win over my children, my husband, my life? How in the hell does this have so much power over me, when I don’t really want it???? How do I get better and start over? Getting back to day 1 is proving harder than I imagined and more than I can handle right now. I need hope, I need tools, and I need to have faith in myself that I can do this…..I am hoping I do…I WANT THIS MORE THAN MY FAMILY KNOWS!!!!
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runningfromwine 
Please believe me when I say that that is exactly how I was. I don’t really know what changed things for me other than being rather terrified that I was going to drop dead. I felt my insides were working overtime and the paranoia was the worst I’ve had.
It was hard, but if I had to quit all over again, I would. It really does get better quite quickly really.
You need patience, distractions and the belief that you are strong enough and worth it. And as much as you want to do it for everyone else, you only need to do it and prove it to yourself. All the other stuff will fall into place once you are at peace with yourself.
I’m a believer that timing is crucial. I don’t know what states good timing, but you will know. In my book, Monday is a bad day to start as you have a whole week ahead. Try and make it as easy on yourself as you can, be kind to yourself. This shouldn’t be a punishment. You sound really lovely and you deserve to be happy.
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Thank you for this! I’m am tiring again today and know it must get better….anything will be better than this compulsive obsession. I am going to work on acceptance and being at peace with myself. The best thing I can do for myself is NOT drink. I think I truly believe that! Hugs to you and you are doing so well….I hope to be where you are soon :). Thank you again for your support!
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I am in the same boat as you and completely relate. Today is Day 1 again for me. Memorial Day weekend did me in and I would love to enter the next holiday as a sober person. Let’s run together!!
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Okay….Let’s do this! Today feels like a good day to start and it’s a short week which will be helpful! I’m going to listen to podcasts today and read lots! I’m liking “Crying Out Now” blog even though it’s inactive currently :). If you have any tips/tools that work ….please share! We are in this together :). Have s great day today and let’s keep it simple!
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Excellent!! As far as tools– from reading other blogs it seems the best thing is to have a plan of what you will do when u normally would be drinking. So I am trying that today. Making a plan and sticking to it. And blogging so I can my perspective. Let me know how your day goes. Xo
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RFW and WBS, you’ve got this! Reaching out to each other is awesome!! Having a partner will be great motivation. I’m at the same point as a couple of other bloggers and they keep me going! I’m your cheering section!!! Make a short term goal and then “virtually” celebrate it together. Start small!
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I first thought “oh crap” when I read this!!!! Now I am accountable, and that is what I need, so WhooHoo! I am in this with you and will stay focused and strong, and will make it to next Tuesday, sober. Thank You and we can do this 🙂
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Thank you! We will be celebrating next Tuesday and taking it one step at s time 🙂
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Thx HabitDone!! Read your blog everyday:)
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RFW lets do what habitdone suggested and celebrate together next Tues for one week. I know -one day at a time–but I know for me it will keep me going in order to celebrate with you. We can clink our virtual AF glasses. Also other ideas for tools to help that I am implementing–exercise!!!! I am going to get up early and walk or go to the gym so that way I am too tired at night to drink. Exercise was once a passion but when I began to seriously drink secretly at night just couldn’t manage exercise in the morning. Today i awoke at 5am, drank coffee and walked for a half hour. So glad to have u on this journey.
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