Day 76…what it took to get here.

Today is day 76 of sobriety for me! I have struggled for YEARS to get where I am today, but I am here. It took a lot of “Rock Bottoms”…I kept asking myself how many bottoms will I have to have before this clicks? What is wrong with me??? Why can’t I just stop when I am so independent and strong in every other area of my life? I kept thinking I was one of those “unfortunate ones” they talk about in the Big Book, this would unfortunately be my destiny.

Yet…then this happened.

I woke up one morning in a hotel room facing a half drunk glass of Chardonnay. I didn’t know what hotel I was at, how I got there or even why I was there. Apparently, my husband and I had yet another fight and I had stormed out completely drunk…picked up more wine and ended up at a hotel down the street. I can’t even explain the shame and terror I felt that morning…what had I done??? I couldn’t remember what I had done…AGAIN!

Was that it? Was that my Rock Bottom that would finally get me sober? Of course not!!! I am a functional alcoholic and so I continued to drink each night for a few more weeks. Tension in our was house was at an all time high, my husband was lost with what to do about me, and I was desperate for an answer. Finally, one night (completely drunk), I googled rehab. This was it…I was going. My husband was out of town on business and in my drunken state I managed to talk to several different places that night and left my number with all of them. Next morning, of course not remembering the calls, they called back ready to help. I contacted my insurance, talked through my options and over the next few days found not only a place that was affordable and close enough to drive to…I found hope and I signed up!

I stopped thinking. I showed up at work, called my HR department explaining that I needed time off for alcohol abuse, and then immediately talked with my Boss telling him I was going to rehab. Bold, uncertain, and scared…I did it.
I couldn’t believe there was no turning back, but was also extremely relieved and felt finally free from the secrets. I was completely open and honest with my coworkers (we are a small group), and although it shocked everyone, they were not only supportive but were understanding and full of compassion.

This would be Medical leave WITHOUT pay (no FMLA for my branch) and I knew this would take a toll on us financially, but it was that important to me…finally. That was a Thursday and I left the next Monday.

I went to a Detox facility first for 7 days. It was kind of a blur, but simple. I slept, ate, and went to groups each day meeting people just like me.

I then was driven to my Rehab place in Texas. That was the BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE!!!! I will post all about it very soon 🙂 .

Hugs and love. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!



8 Comments Add yours

  1. ainsobriety says:

    That was a brave act of self compassion. My husband told me the hardest thing he ever did was go into the rehab centre, but it has been his best decision ever. I am often jealous I didn’t get to go. But it worked out.
    Bravo. I can’t wait to hear more! 76 days is fabulous. Hold on to that. It’s so precious!



    1. I agree with your husband 100%..but count yourself lucky you were able to do it without! So glad you two have each other for support and encouragement, I am finding that is a huge help here at my house 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Please go to meetings and get a sponsor now. I want you to stay sober.


    1. I go to meetings every now and then…they aren’t for everyone and there are SO many paths to recovery. I am grateful it isn’t one way or no way!


  3. bluebird487 says:

    Way to go! Great job taking care of yourself and wishing you continued success. It must have been so hard to make that decision and admit to your family and coworkers that you needed help. That is very brave and bravery is the enemy of addiction. Thanks for the inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that! It WAS hard…but also easy in that it was my glimmer of hope and actually got me excited and gave me the courage to know that I COULD do this. I just needed some help!


  4. Anonymous says:

    You getting sober is a huge encouragement to me. I have followed your journey from the beginning and we briefly corresponded— I had a blog called wannabesiber for a short while . Do u remember? Anyway still not sober but planning a dry January and then hoping to continue.i don’t think I need rehab but if I don’t stop now I will.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes! I remember you 🙂 . Wishing you the best in January, it will be a good time to start and there is a lot of encouragement in the Dry January community (I know, I tried that last year)! Keep in touch and I will support you in any way I can. If you think you need rehab, seriously consider it! I had a fabulous experience and it was exactly what I needed. It wasn’t scary once I made the commitment and it is so refreshing to have time to only focus on you, with lots of support and help, and other people surrounding and living with you that are going through the exact same thing! Sobriety will only make life better for you…there are so many things to be grateful for once you make that leap! Hugs and love.

    Liked by 1 person

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