This morning while lying in bed, my husband sweetly asked me how I was doing (this, of course, was in regards to my well being now that I am not drinking). He has become compassionate and caring in a way that I haven’t seen in a LONG time! As you might know from my earlier posts, we have had a rough time in our marriage and I am realizing now that a LOT of it was my drinking…humbling and a bit frightening, but also relief that it might all be okay. It might even be great!
I am beginning to see his side of things through the posts of others still struggling to get solid ground under them. The scary things we do while drunk, the unpredictability, the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies that, the shear fear of someone hurting themselves. The list of scary things we do while drunk is endless. I can’t imagine how my husband must have felt through a lot of that. Helpless and scared, I am sure. Having to fear that I might hurt or even kill myself one night, never knowing what condition I’d be in when he got home from a late night out, not knowing if I’d make it home after driving drunk, not knowing if I’d wake up from a blackout, taking me to the ER for falling and cutting my chin wide open while drunk…I have so much understanding for him right now and it is amazing he stayed with me through it all…but I am so very grateful for him. He has his issues too, but we are both growing, making progress, and learning to love completely and wholly again. I love my husband so much and am really embracing that now. Unfortunate as it is that alcohol stole that from me for so many years, I have a second chance and that is a miracle in itself.
I pray that I never go back, that this is my life that I get to build on!
Keep trying…never give up on yourself!!! It is possible!
Hugs and love,