Day 91. Learning to love life!

It’s day 91 for me. My 43rd birthday is tomorrow and today I am feeling really proud of myself. I am finally living life…only took 43 years, but hey, who’s counting right?!!! I was thinking back on all the years of my drinking, my marriage, my kids, my life in general. To be honest (and some may not like this), I couldn’t have done it without alcohol. Wine got me to where I am today and getting rid of it will let me be who I want to be, yet it served a purpose in my life. It’s all a process and everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that.

Wine got me through my marriage, all the resentments, the unfaithfulness, the lies, the deception…if I was sober I truly believe I would be divorced and that would be tragic because I do honestly love my husband. I am so grateful I am still married but honestly I couldn’t have done it without numbing out a LOT of it. I was too young, too idealistic, and a bit of a perfectionist and things weren’t as I thought they should be (ha, I thought I should be able to control it). So I drank. I drank to forget, to not feel, and to just get through it. To keep my marriage together at all costs for my children. To give up a part of myself for the image of what I thought was supposed to be. To keep up appearances, I drank. And, it worked…until it didn’t.

Today…I feel like I am grown up enough to live life. I can accept what is and learn to embrace it (the good, the bad, and the ugly). It’s all just part of life and now I am ready for it and truly looking forward to each day.

I am so grateful that I finally am growing up. It really helps with the fearful aspect of “Shit, I am getting old”!!!

Today, I accept my past as it has gotten me to where I am today…which is a really great place to be!

Hugs from me,

Christy

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Newchapter says:

    Happy birthday 🙂

    Like

  2. ainsobriety says:

    Happy birthday.
    I agree with a lot of what you say. We all need to cope, and there were, I’m sure, good times mixed in with the bad.
    We can’t regret. We can only acknowledge we have learned from. Experience and move forward the best way we can.
    Anne

    Like

  3. Thank you! And, yes…there were a LOT of good times (I guess I forgot to mention that…just my tendency to focus on the negative and forget all the positives)! I’m working on that!!! I can’t thank you enough for pointing that out right now, as it’s part of my growing up and is certainly a work in progress! I’ve come to realize that I needed everything to get here…so I can move forward and really be happy with life and all it brings!

    Like

  4. Congratulations on 91 days! I’m right behind you at 83.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, and congrats to you as well!!! We are really doing this! It is so much better, right?!

      Like

  5. Happy Birthday. Alcohol got me through so trying times too, but when I quit I finally felt free.

    Like

    1. Thank you!!! It’s so good to feel free everyday!

      Like

  6. Happy Birthday!!!
    I get what you are saying! There were many years that alcohol was fun, social, and helped me relax on the weekends!
    Of course, then it became a big meanie and started to hurt me, not be fun anymore!
    xo
    Wendy

    Like

    1. Yep!!! All the fun was eventually just sucked out of my life because of the alcohol! Thank you for the Birthday wishes!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s