Lately, I have been feeling restless and a bit uneasy. I don’t think there is the thought that drinking would make anything better, I am certain it wouldn’t. There is the desire to escape my thoughts, my feelings, and my uneasiness. I don’t like the uncertainty of not knowing how to process my thoughts.
I think this is all coming from my finishing up a big project…a personal project (I am making a cookbook for my kids). It’s an online thing where I’m putting all the recipes we grew up having together and I am ready to submit it tomorrow. I have been so focused on this and it has consumed much of my time that the end of this is creating a bit of fear in me. What now? I have been working on this since I got home from treatment, and like everything it is coming to an end. I am excited to get it printed and more excited to give it to them, to be able to pass along a part of our family traditions and remind them of our everyday lives…a way for them to remember moments and create their own memories with the families they build.
I guess I need a new passion, a new focus. Continuing on my sober journey…one step at a time. Figuring life out, ever so gently.