Yes, today I am celebrating! It’s actually better than a birthday…I’m celebrating getting better each day, not getting older!!!
Last night my husband came home after a night out drinking with friends, it was late, and I had been asleep (of course the dogs woke me up for his arrival). He was chatty and smelled of beer, and I didn’t mind. Actually, my thought was “I’m so glad I’m not like that anymore”. Yes, he was chatty and happy…but I wasn’t like that in the end of my drinking. I would have been completely drunk, moody, and just mad at the world and everything in my path.
My husband and I were drinking buddies since the day we met (when I was 15)! We would go out, drink, talk, have a great time, and we loved our life doing those things…until it changed for both of us. For so long we would go out, having a couple of drinks before dinner, more at dinner, and then go out to another place for drinks afterwards, just to get to wind down and spend more time together, talking freely about life, and everything in between (things we didn’t talk about at home because of the busyness). Life got to us; kids, jobs, financial stress, arguments, etc…and then we would drink to drink. To forget the worries, the stress, the money, the doubts and fears we both had. It really became miserable for both of us, I think.
I was afraid of what our marriage would be like with my not drinking….well, it’s pretty damn good! My husband genuinely respects me and is proud of me now. I am more compassionate towards him and less resentful overall. There are less fights, and when we do have them, they are civil and stay on point (something that never happened when I was drinking)!
So, last night I found a new peace within myself. Happy my husband can go out and enjoy himself as he wants, and happy that I don’t have to battle the wine anymore…happy that I don’t have to feel that knowing that I’d had too much but still wanting more feeling. Happy that I don’t forget the nights anymore, I don’t go to bed (well, pass out) angry or sad, happy that I am finally in total control of myself…and that feels SO GOOD!!!
So today, I am continuing to find my peace and my freedom within myself. I am going for a pedicure and going to eat cake!!!
Never give up on yourself, remind yourself you ARE worth it, and remember to enjoy the little things, because those are the ones that matter the most!