Last attempt.

So tomorrow will be another Day 1. That illusive, magical, depressing day 1. One that I have had a million times and one that I don’t want to ever have again. I am lost. I am afraid. I really don’t know if I can do this. I am going to try. My husband is indifferent to me, I don’t blame him as I would be too. A black out drunk wife by night, yet I get everything done in the day. I work full time, do all the cooking, the finances, the laundry, the cleaning….NOT an excuse anymore. He is on his computer or phone 24/7 and maybe it’s because of me. I have to look inward now and stop blaming. I have to take care of me and see what changes. If it doesn’t help our situation, then I have my answer. If it does, it was mostly my doing which will allow us to grow and become so much better together. So, tomorrow I start again. Day .01.

Day 1 tomorrow. 7-17-2017.


17 Comments Add yours

  1. ecksober says:

    I just read your latest post and it sounds exactly like the situation that I am in. I am a high functioning alcoholic. I hold down a full time job, get the kids to school on time, go to the gym etc etc but come 5pm the wine comes out. At night my husband is always either on his phone or on playstation so I am essentially drinking by myself watching crap on TV.

    I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you can achieve what you want that makes you happy.


    Liked by 2 people

    1. ainsobriety says:

      Em. High functioning alcoholics are still not well functioning people. At some point keeping those balls in the air becomes very tiring.
      Don’t waste any more time. Quit now! I promise, tv is much better sober. Lol

      Liked by 4 people

    2. Yep, that sounds like me too! It’s tough just watching them spending so much focus on trivial things when we work so hard to keep everything in the house running and making sure everyone else gets where and what they need. It’s time to re-focus and spend my time on me and try and distance myself from him emotionally for awhile until I get a clear head! Hope you are doing well and I wish you all the luck and strength too!


  2. ainsobriety says:

    This was my story. I felt like I did it all and no one saw me. I was so lonely and sad.
    But alcohol is truly part of that. It makes us feel alone. It prevents us from feeling love or concern from others. And we build a strong shield to protect our heart.

    I also felt my husband ignored me. He was drinking too…but he will tell you I was often passed out on the couch in the evening, and he was tired of me.

    I couldn’t imagine there was a better alternative. I couldn’t imagine life without numbing my critical and sharp mind. I was biding my time, waiting to die. I really was.

    I wish I,could show you the possibilities that come with sobriety. The clarity and cleanliness. The joy. The deep stillness and peace.

    They are there. This can be your last day 1. And some day your will look back and laugh at how scary it was…and marvel at how strong you are.

    I’m cheering you on. Gather all the support you can. Tell your husband this is it. You are choosing life. Ask for his help.


    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you again for this….this is me right now, exactly! I have asked for my husband to help but he just shrugs it off. He doesn’t want to quit drinking and doesn’t want to be burdened by my drinking either. I’ll be doing this with the support of bloggers, podcasts, and hopefully can find some IRL friends to talk to! I choose to live this life and finally be happy in it!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. habitdone says:

    Holding your virtual hand here RFW!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Here for you too 🙂


  4. Newchapter says:

    With you all the way

    Liked by 2 people

  5. It’s difficult for friends or family to understand or relate if they’re not struggling with the same problem. Cheering for you here, please don’t give up on giving up, it’s so worth it. Hugs x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are right, and thank you! Not giving up!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. My husband struggled with me and my drinking.
    Once I got sober, we are happier than ever now!
    Anne is right.
    I have found true joy being sober.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! I know we will be better with me sober, it will just be hard with him being so unwilling to change (but who knows, my success might just give him a little spark to try)!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Can you see if your husband will keep alcohol out of the home. Even if he doesn’t stop, he could not bring it home. I feel if you can work together as a team it would totally help. Maybe put aside money that would go towards alcohol to a vacation or a fancy dinner out.


    1. Hi there! I have tried that before, but he will have it anyways and just try to hide it in places! The good news is he drinks beer (which I don’t like at all) and red wine. I am a 100% White wine Chardonnay snob. I don’t thin the beer will bother me and I am going to ask that he only drinks beer at home and if he must have the red wine to wait until after I go to bed. He stays up really late and I don’t! I am going to put aside money for a vacation though…my hope is to save enough to take my boys to Italy next year when my oldest graduates from college!!! Thank you for the encouragement, thoughts, and support!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Just be in today. That is the only day that matters. Just be sober today, by any means possible.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Alcohol (ethanol) makes people lonely, confused and depressed. Just look at the end of a night of drinking/or the day after (anywhere) to see the proof. There really is no exception to that. There is a beautiful life after alcohol, I wish I could fast forward you so that you can see for yourself. You can do this! You really can. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hey you, I just wanted to pop in and say hi 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s